back from visiting het relatives. yay. they hate me.
my dad wants me to be wasting money getting a useless liberal arts degree, most of the relatives feel similiarly. who cares. if i was looking ofr their approval i would have committed suicide LONG ago... oh wait TRIED THAT!
weights not doing so well, it bothers me that i just cant lose, but i haven't purged sinse my last entry so yay for me-every day counts... adn i'm doin g teh MC so i hope htat even if i lose mostly water weight, it'll be enough to jump start me into actually LOSING!
i'm worried. I haven't heard from echappe since the day i left for home. she called, and it was nice. I've emailed, left phone messages, and it says she hasn't been online since that day either. Aside from teh whole "i need an adress adn i need to know what furnishings i'll need ot bring and can youpick me up at the airport" type stuff, i genuinely miss talking to her. shes one of the few ED people who has used my IM, and the ONLY one who does it consistantly! Its embarassing because there's no one else on my IM list who would understand if i said i'd been fighting the b/p cycle and temporarely winning, but i needed to be distracted for an hour to let this stuff digest... and i want to know how her doggy is, how the jogs are going... fuck it, this is why i dont trust people. When you trust them, they disappear. fuck it,th ats why i'm such a bitch. a fucking fat bitch.
but its been too long, and since i'm alerady enrolled and such, i need to find a cheap rental, since i cant get aholdof echappe... it would have been easier if she'd dissappeared BEFORE i was committed to that location!
but then i'm just FUCKING DEPRESSED! very very close to suicide...if i dont get this extra kindergartner clinging under my skin away soon i swear i'm going ot go crazy and claw my skin off and tear the fat away.